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Things are frustrating. I'm sick. I'm not getting better. And I'm working. I'm trying to be good. I'm not drinking. I'm trying to get enough sleep. I'm starting to take vitamins. I want to be healthy. I want to enjoy myself. I want to be able to walk places and not rely on the tube. Right now I can't walk places because I'll start coughing and get tired. Fuck that shit, I'm 22. My body should not act like this.

Right now, I just want to be better by my birthday. But it's so frustrating. I have grad school apps due. I can't write the essays. My brain is so hazy and feverish and dumb feeling.

Things at work will be fine. But combined with illness and a few things that suck/just came up, it's stressful. If I wasn't sick, my attitude would have been, hey! more money and I would have shrugged off the disappointment.

As soon as the apps are in and I feel better, things will sort out. Once my parents decide what the hell they are doing and I get their vacation sorted out I will feel better. Then, I can put my thoughts on planning Italy and Scotland. Maybe Wales, maybe Ireland, maybe France? And this all hinges on me not getting sick. Not spending all my savings on doctors and medicines and stupid shit. Right now, I've saved enough for Scotland and I don't want to let go of it.

And I want to see the city. Save money by walking. See the city by walking. People say London is not a walking city. It's too damn big. No, you just walk longer and then you wander down small streets. Then you hope to god you see the London Underground sign when you are finally completely lost and your London A-Z map doesn't seem to help much. That's how you see the city. That's how I was seeing the city. Now I feel stuck.

Next week, hopefully, I'll be going to Canterbury and Dover. Maybe I've read too much Jane Austen, but I get this whole Victorian thing about the country here. You love London, then you can't wait to get away. You need to live in London but you need vacations in the country. I can't wait to wander around Canterbury. To go somewhere where it's a bit quiet. That was my first reaction at Dover on my way to Brugge. It was quiet. It's never quiet in London. My first lesson was to learn to sleep through the street noise, the sirens, and the drunk students. To sleep through my roommates coughing when she was sick and not sleeping through my own more recently. And the complete absense of privacy. I go out on my own a lot to get out of here. My workmates are great but they are always there. They always know what I'm doing. So I go out alone. And then I'm caught on CCTV 500 times a day.

But I digress. What my body needs is more sleep. Somehow, I seem to have a bit of insomnia lately. I blame this on the non-drowsy cough medicine making me non-drowsy. However, I think it's just one of my bouts of insomnia. And while I'd like to just give in and stay up until 5am on the internet, that's not a good idea. So goodnight, and I will try to update more in the future.

happy new year!

Happy New Year!

I'm sure everyone thinks I abandoned this blog but internet has returned here at the pub. I will try to post more from now on.

Things have been interesting. Very interesting tonight.

I'm not one to do anything for New Years. Somehow, I ended up on a boat on the river Thames. I feel a bit silly about paying so much for a ticket but it was the cheapest boat around and it was quite the interesting night.

We didn't get tickets until today and somehow our bosses convinced them to let us all get tickets so we were "VIP".

So I saw in the New Year with a view of Big Ben and the London Eye fireworks while managing to lose everyone I came with. I will say I had a New Years kiss. I also danced a lot, drank a fair amount, and danced some more. Oh and I was complemented on being a good dancer. Dear lord, the guy must've been wasted as well to think that. Anyways, fun was had by all and I got to experience New Years in person and not on tv. It wasn't terribly exciting but it was certainly better than watching the ball drop in New York.

Then, I managed to fall asleep for the US New Year. After all, it wasn't until 5am here. Now it's almost 8am and I've been awake for over 2 hours. I've had horrible insomnia lately, especially after a night of drinking. However, now I'm tired so now that the sun is coming up I think I will call it a night.

Internet still not working. Maybe later today? Real updates will resume when I have internet in my housing and I'm not sitting at McDonald's.

I'm just going to say it.

I think I fucking love this city. I think I should move here forever.

We'll see if I regret this later. But as for right now, it's edging up there on Chicago as best city ever.

So tired...

Yesterday was my first day of work ie the second busiest day ALL week. Tonight is my second and it's the busiest night ALL week. And they are both 10 hour days. Oh fuck, I'm not used to this.

And then I stayed up until 3am talking with people. So yay for being social but FUCK I'm tired and my legs still feel tired.

Tonight I'll try to go to bed early but tonight is free drinks night. People don't really tip here. Last night, about 5 people made 15 pounds in tips. So instead of splitting it up, every Friday night is free drinks for all the employees after work. It's also cleaning night. They have to bribe you with something, I guess.

Okay, real update later. Right now, I have to get motivated to get to work...again.

Live from London

Yesterday, I arrived in London with two way too heavy bags and managed to make my way on the pub with public transportation.

Today, I sorted out paperwork, opened a bank account, found tax forms. I should've been more social at the meeting. I mean, I was social but then failed to get contact information. I met a guy who did the same pub placement program I did and it would have been nice to have that connection. He's working in a pub on Picadilly circus and is a midwesterner from Minnesota. Oh well...

I shouldn't be too depressed. The pub accommodations here are large. In fact, it's exactly what I wanted. Too small would have been constricting. My only complaint is that the area of Holborn is a business area which means everything shuts down around here at about 6. So no cheap eats but then again, I get free food at the pub. The free food is mainly left overs but I'm not sick of it yet.

Yesterday, on a search for a cell phone, I stumbled into Trafalgar Square.

I'm unsure about my job and meeting people. I work with mainly Australians. Is it just me or are they always so damn outgoing? I always feel kind of weird around them like I'm not being crazy or social or "hey I LOVE DRINKING" enough around them. Most, however, are quitting in the next few weeks to go places for Christmas. It's an odd time of the year to come as it's a big switch over. It doesn't feel like Christmas to me.

What I am completely sure about is the city. Everyone told me it was dark, rainy, dirty, expensive, and not a place they would ever want to live again. I told them Denmark was dark, rainy, dirty, expensive, and not a place I'd ever want to live again. So far, this holds true. The first few days in Denmark I was horribly homesick. Every simple task seemed so hard to do (like finding goddamn hangers). Everything here has been so easy. It's a bit dark, a little bit rainy and for a big city, not that dirty at all. The exchange rate is better but regardless, here I can afford to eat out a bit. At $10-15 a meal, it's reasonable. At Denmark's $20-30 for the same thing, it's not.

But food aside, I love the city. I love the architecture. The street I live on features high rise cubicle filled glass window buildings and 18th and 19th century pubs. They are smooshed in together without that terrible Paris effect (like the Pompidou but more glaringly seen on the outskirts of the city). Some of it is ugly but it's a gritty city kind of ugly and I'm ok with that.

Most of all, it's alive. Copenhagen always seemed so dead. As one girl put it, suburban. And it was a culture I felt totally alienated from. The obsession on fashion, weight. The often closed off personalities. Pickled herring. Some people fell in love with it, but not me. I almost went to London but chose Copenhagen instead. At the time, there were some good reasons. Also, what the hell did I know about Copenhagen?

Here I know I'll be ok if I don't meet people right away. I won't feel isolated in a completely dead part of a not too lively city. I can walk to the river, St. Paul's, the British Museum. I can still indulge in silly American things like Subway and the English language.

I should also mention the BUNAC program was very inviting. When I first enter Copenhagen is was disconcerting with lots of confusion and only going to school with Americans. With this program, I have places to meet other Americans but I don't have to be there all the time. They also offer super cheap trips. I plan on getting my birthday off and going to see Canterbury. I had planned on going myself and spending a bit longer there but the trips are so cheap. And honestly, I'm sick of traveling alone.

So, just to be lame and put it out there. I really wish I could meet someone. It would be very nice to have a boy to travel with. Not all the time, and not overly serious. It would be fun and nice for a change.

less than 48 hours!

It's less than 48 hours until I get on my plane to London. I have my backpack packed but still have to get out a piece of luggage. I just don't understand how people can only bring ONE piece of luggage for 6 months. I don't pack too much. But I am packing for most seasons/all occasions. That's quite a few pairs of shoes ie. hiking, sandals, work shoes, vans slip ons, dressy brown and dressy black shoes. OK, so I don't really need the vans but I honestly can't live without those shoes. And I may not bring the dressy black.

Many things will be tossed on the way back. My philosophy is to overpack to an extent and then, throw away. Since I am also packing for my 2 weeks in Italy in May, I have to bring sheets for hostels. These sheets are old and will simply be pitched at the end. Same goes for socks and underwear. When planning a short trip, I take enough underwear and socks for every day but I pick the crappiest ones I have. That way, you don't have to wash stuff in the sink and your pack gets roomier as you go!

Things like my slip-on vans or my towel will also be tossed at the end of the trip. However, I do think I may be overpacking on clothes. The reality is I'll be working a lot which means I need normal clothes less. Maybe I'll get everything out and then choose to cut back from there.

Also, since I'm very picky about certain things I have shampoo and conditioner for 6 months as well as toothpaste as I need a specific kind. The plus side is that none of this will come back with me either. Books will be left in England and exchanged for new books as well. My biggest real bulk is from all those electronics I can't live without. ipod, computer, digital camera, and a dvd case. I did not bring Dvds to Denmark with me and totally regretted it! I really hope I can smoosh this all into a not-too-gigantic suitcase and still have a bit of room leftover.

For now, I have to try and finish this cross-stitch. Tomorrow, I need to frame 5 of the cross-stitches and get money out of my mom for them. Pack another bag. Try to finish my London book. Get all my documents together. And call 3 different credit card companies to tell them not to shut off my card if London charges appear.

Monday I have to return library books. Deposit all my Christmas money in the bank. And, oh yeah, catch a flight!

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